I guess I have a price. I can be bought. I’m a media slut.
I started the shooting of a rap video today…
Category: Rants
Shit that pisses me off.
One of the things….nightmares….I’d tried to forget about dealing with bands was getting paid. That’s one thing I haven’t missed in my sound engineer retirement.
With the completion of the metal project I’ve had to relive the nightmare. This band has 3 guys and each of the 3 is chipping in his share, supposedly. Band guy #3 keeps “forgetting” to bring his check book or money for me. It sucks to have to collect at all, but having to collect from 3 different people is a pain in the ass.
Bands should have a “representative” who covers all of that and if some band member didn’t bring his checkbook the representitive covers his ass and not me…
UPDATE: Just to be clear I didn’t start this job until I got half the dough up front. I never start jobs like this until I have a deposit. That’s what working with musicians for 25 years will do to you.
I wrapped up the big death metal project last week. Glad to have that one in the can so my weeknights are free again. That was one of the things I really didn’t like about running a studio was having no free nights or staying up till all hours of the night listening to boneheads who can’t sing or play their instruments…
You’re going to have to leave
On one of the last sessions I had to kick some drunk ass out of the studio. The band had some “friends” there and they were being drunken idiots. I couldn’t concentrate or hear what I was doing because these guys were jabbering. I hit stop on the playback and sat there. After about 10 seconds all the people in the studio looked at me. I then said I’m not hitting play until this guy is out of here. Thankfully, the band agreed and he was gone.
Don’t bring your damn friends into the studio if you are recording. All you do is end up trying to keep them entertained rather than concentrating on the task at hand.
Categories
How low CNN is these days.
On the top news stories at CNN today can be found “See the Virgin Mary in a pizza pan.” Yeah, that’s news alright.
Categories
Matt’s take on The Police tour
Thanks to my pal Matt for this gem:
The concert flyer should read something like this:
THE POLICE
Present:
The “No Millionaire Left Behind” Tour!
If you’re rich and have a penchant for conspicuous consumption, look no further! The Police have a concert for you.
Imagine being able to hang out with all of your old high school buddies (well, at least the ones who read Forbes and write op-eds for the Wall Street Journal) watching a concert you could all care less about. Why? Because the guilty pleasure of being able to spend $460 to $7,650 to ignore The Police play “Every Breath You Take” is worth it.
You’ll be able to tell your higher-middle-class friends that you were there. That’s worth it, isn’t it? (Be careful whom you tell. They might ask what songs were played at the concert. But since you were too busy trying to be more impressive than your other bourgeoisie friends, you may want to look up the set list on the Internet first.)
Imagine being able to put your middle-aged butt around that Harley Davidson you have no business owning and meeting up with your friends at the venue.
Or better yet, hop in your Porsche Boxter, put the top down, hire a high-priced hooker to pretend to be your girlfriend and drive around the venue for an hour cranking Outlandos d’Amour on your Blaupunkt to convince other concert-goers (and yourself) that you’re a true Police fan.
Or if you’re such a complete idiot that even the hooker doesn’t want to be with you, you can climb in your Hummer, fill the 32 gallon fuel tank for a measly $82.00 (what a bargain) and pick up your friends for the concert. (Don’t forget to fill it again after the concert because the tank will be bone dry from the 10 mile drive down. You wouldn’t want to be seen being pushed to the gas station.)
You’ve been looking for a way to spend some of that squandered Iraq rebuilding money. The Police want you to know that you’re welcome at their show. How nice of them to deny the middle and low-income genuine Police fans entry into the venue. The Police know that real fans cheer too loudly for your friends to hear your money-means-everything diatribe you’ll recite throughout the show. (Fans also make the concert harder to enjoy because they would outnumber you and would actually enjoy the concert for the music, not just the event. They might also gang up on you and kick your aristocratic ass.)
Deny yourself no indulgence. Buy a concert T-shirt for $150. On second thought, buy 2. You’ll need an extra one to wipe up after the hooker pukes in your car and ditches you when you’re waiting for her outside the gas station restroom. (Take the convertible. It will air out faster.) You won’t get laid, but you won’t even care. The afterglow of being at the Police concert, along with a lifetime of parading the honor in front of everyone you meet will outweigh any further pleasure you could receive from that night. The Police know that.
Sting even knows he needn’t hit the high notes because you won’t be listening anyway. And even if you were listening, you couldn’t tell the difference. They didn’t teach music appreciation in your Pillaging Society 8763 class. Aren’t you glad you don’t give a damn about music? It makes The Police: No Millionaire Left Behind Tour so much easier to enjoy.
{I’ll bet Sting will make millions from this tour while Andy and Stewart make a pittance. So a special shout out to Sting: You haven’t had a good record since the end of the cold war. How does it feel to be “the rich man’s Phil Collins?”}
So what are you waiting for? Pick up that phone, order some blow from your dealer, then order your tickets for the Police concert. (You’ll need the blow to really feel like you’re reliving the 80’s. Strangely, the cocaine will be the cheapest thing you’ll spend money on that night.)
For the rest of us, we’re going to order the hooker. We have no illusions. We know we’re paying to get screwed.
Matt