Categories
Boneheads Rants

Please sign the STOP ASHLEE SIMPSON PETITION

A brilliant 18 year old disgruntled Ashlee Simpson fan has created a petition to make her stop. It’s up to close to 200,000 signatures as of this post. My signature is #171427. The site is very slow, surely due to the huge amount of bandwidth of thousands of people signing it, so be patient. If you can’t get through, try it later.

DO US ALL A FAVOR: SIGN THIS PETITION

To: Geffen/DGC Records & JT Simpson Entertainment

We, the undersigned, are disgusted with Ashlee Simpson’s horrible singing and hereby ask her to stop. Stop recording, touring, modeling and performing. We do not wish to see her again.

She cannot match the sound of her voice that can be found on her CDs, when she sings live. She simply yells the words (sometimes the wrong ones) into the mic.

We are so sickened by her “performing” that we are taking this opportunity to demand that she stop.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

Categories
Rants Recording

Stiffed by Imax

I took my kids to the 3D iMax T-rex movie last night. It was quite fun. Imax movies are pretty cool.

But it reminded me of the studio gig I did for imax one time. I did a voice over gig where the two directors of some African Wildlife imax movie did their “director’s commentary.” This was to be an auxiliary audio track for the imax dvd where you select the director’s commentary and they talk about what was going on in their minds when they shot certain scenes.

The directors were fairly cool but a little dry. I set up a video monitor and played the imax movie and they just commented on each scene in real time as it happened. It was a cool gig just by the fact that I hadn’t done one of those before.

When the job was done I gave the directors an invoice. They told me that they weren’t responsible and gave me the number of the movie studio in California to contact for payment. When I contacted them, they gave me the name and number of the production company and told me to get the dough from them. When I called the production company I was given the name and number of the movie studio and told to get the dough from them…..and so on….and so on…

I never did get my dough. I finally gave up after getting jacked around X number of times. Usually studio owners get stiffed by flaky musicians but this time it was the big boys.

Categories
Boneheads Gigs Rants

“Tonto” The Drunk Indian

There are times in your life when a small decision makes a huge impact on your future. This may have been one of those times.

I played a gig at a club I’ve played at 100’s of times. The show was over, but I didn’t need to load my gear because we were playing there the next night as well. My car was parked right outside the club on the street. I was walking out the door when I felt a small urge to hit the bathroom. I could have held it until I got home, but I decided to go back into the club and relieve myself first.

When got back out of the bathroom I saw the familiar flashing lights of a cop car outside through the window. I didn’t think much of it as the cops nail people all the time leaving the clubs drunk. When I got outside I saw the nightmare.

The cop was right in front of the club, behind a white 1975 Maverick which had plowed into the back of MY car. My car looked to be about 1/2 a car. This all had to have happened within the last 30-60 seconds. The cop was there so quick I couldn’t believe it. The reason he was there so fast is that he was taking a break to eat a taco, parked in the Taco Time parking lot next door. He watched the driver plow into my car while eating his taco.

The driver was still in the Maverick and the cop was trying to get him out. The driver was too drunk to even stand up. The cop said “come on Tonto let’s go.” The drunk driver was “Tonto” from the indian reservation. I talked to the cop and we did all the usual police report stuff and then the officer gave Tonto the drunk test (which he of course failed).

Tonto was not only driving a very heavy vehicle, he had no driver’s license. Apparently you don’t need a license on the reservation. Tonto’s car had no auto registration or license plate. Apparently you don’t need license plates on the reservation. Tonto also had NO auto insurance. Apparently you don’t need auto insurance on the reservation. Tonto had just bought the car. Apparently you can buy a car on the reservation with no driver’s license or auto insurance. Tonto had been drinking way too much firewater. Apparently you don’t need a brain on the reservation.

In looking back on this crappy event I originally thought of it as bad luck. Hell my car was trashed. But upon more reflection I’m thinking of it as extremely lucky. Had I not decided to relieve myself I likely would have been killed when Tonto crushed me between his 75 Maverick and my car.

So I look at this as one of those small decisions that greatly impacts your future, or the opportunity to have a future for that matter.

Categories
Random Rants

Waiting for #3

They say bad things happen in 3’s (whoever they are). So I’m up to two right now.

1. Earlier tonight I leaned back in my very nice leather studio chair, the the damn thing broke and I almost broke my neck.

2. Had a gig tonight at a small club. Nothing thrilling there to report. But on the way home it was very windy. I heard a thud and then felt my back tire run over something. I’m not about to stop in the dark on the freeway at 2:00am in a blizzard. When I got home I found that my damn front left turn signal light completely flew out.

3. ?

Categories
Boneheads Musicians Rants

Orange Bowl Halftime Farce: Ashlee Simpson is TERRIBLE!

What a joke the Orange Bowl halftime show is. I’m so sick of musicians faking their parts. The Kelly Clarkson (or however you spell it) band was a joke. I just saw the drummer do a big drum fill and the music track was playing the HH. The drums on the recording were an obvious drum machine but they were an acoustic kit live. Trace Atkins’ drummer was playing behind the track missing fills all over.

Oh man, Ashlee Simpson is TERRIBLE! TERRIBLE! She’s out of tune! She can’t even sing in time with her original recorded karaoke guide vocal! Forget the fact that she’s about 10% as attractive as her sister.

WAIT WAIT…HOLY COW, WHEN ASHLEE FINISHED THE AUDIENCE BOO’D HER!!! WHAT A SMART AUDIENCE! YEAH!!!