Categories
Rants

Hey man, watch your friggin’ kid

So yesterday I bought a new Apple Powerbook G4 17″ laptop. I’ve been so damn busy this week I haven’t even had time to play with it. All I’ve had time to do is upgrade to the operating system I wanted in there.

So this client comes in and we’re discussing his project. Meanwhile he is letting his “curious” 2 year old son wander around my studio. I thought I’d give the kid something to keep him from getting bored so I gave him a golf ball to play with. He just started throwing it at my gear so that didn’t do the trick.

Suddenly I hear this big thud. I turn around to find this little unattended tyrant has dropped my f’ing laptop on the ground. Call me crazy, but I like to own my laptops at least 22 hours before they’re dropped on the ground.

Memo to clients: I don’t think you could afford to buy me a new $2,700 laptop. So watch your friggin’ kids and keep their grubby hands off my gear.

Categories
Random Rants

I guess God made a deposit

Remember this post where God’s check bounced and the stupid bank lost the copy of it?

Well, the bank did some kind of “special” transaction so that they could redeposit the check. And guess what? God apparently made a deposit because the check cleared this time.

I guess God was running a little thin between paychecks…

Categories
Gear Rants

Apple releases multi button mouse 21 years late


Apple came out with the Mac in 1984. It’s now 2005 and they’re releasing their first mouse with more than one button: The Mighty Mouse

Way to go Apple. You guys are freaking pioneers, really.

And in true Apple fashion they’ve priced it right in line with all the other mice out there at $49.00. Ok, I’m an Apple freak. But come on Apple, why would I pay $49 for an Apple mouse when I can pay $5-10 for the equivalent from some other company?

Categories
Gigs Rants

Some memos

  • Memo to women: Do NOT wear tight belly shirts if you have a beer belly and love handles (see picture). Do not wear men’s Levis which are about 8 inches too small to fit around your fat waist so you have to wear them as low riders. This look is not attractive and us men are repulsed by it. Please, if you are a woman and you want to wear a belly shirt ask yourself one question: “Do I have 6 pack abs?”
  • Memo to my band leader: 3 tunes into the show, do not call a surf medley with an extended drum solo when I haven’t played a gig for 6 weeks.
  • Memo to the two women who flashed their breasts at me during the last gig: Thank you.
  • Memo to the drunk idiot standing in front of stage left: Stop looking at me and doing that Hawaii hang loose thing with your hand. I’m not gay, stop looking at me like that.
  • Memo to Allie (my fantasy mistress and professional boxer): Congratulations on knocking out your opponent in the 4th round last week.
  • Memo to drunk assholes in bars: Thanks for the compliments but please get out of my face. Stop spilling your pisswater beer in my shoe. Stop burning me with your stinky cigarette. Stop slobbering on me. Stop saying “you guys rock.”
  • Memo to Andrew: You kick ass. You know why.
  • Memo to that chick in front of the stage who puts her fingers on the sides of her mouth and pushes her lips into a smiling position to signal me to “smile”. (seems like there’s one at every gig): I can’t bash the hell out of the drums and have a shit eating grin on my face at the same time. Sorry.
  • Memo to the band leader #2: Give me more than 2 hours notice that we have a gig.
  • Memo to anyone: Don’t invite me to your wedding. I hate weddings.
  • Memo to anyone who wants to hire my band for your wedding: We play rock & roll. We don’t do Kenny G. or dinner music. If you wanted that shit why did you hire an obnoxious rock & roll band?
  • Memo to whoever stole my 1962 brass Ludwig snare: You’d better hope I never find you.
  • Memo to pussy audience members: If it is too loud don’t come up and whine about it. Just leave.
  • Memo to dudes with barbed wire tattoos around their biceps: Do you think this makes you cool or tough? If you were real macho, you’d use real barbed wire (thanks George).
  • Memo to David Gilmour and Roger Waters: Can’t we all just get along?
  • Memo to Phil Collins: Stop. Please stop. Please stop now. I’m begging you…stop.
  • Memo the guy who always requests Free Bird (there’s one at every gig): I’d rather lose a limb than play that shitty song.
  • Memo to the band leader #3: Why do you do encores when there are 3 drunk assholes left in the audience yelling “encore, encore.” But when we have a huge crowd, we don’t do one?
  • Memo to the band I’m recording who asks “So what do you think of our band?”: Which answer do you want? The truth, or the one you want to hear?
  • Memo to clients who bounce checks on me: Karma baby. Karma.
  • Memo to whoever dropped a rock in my windshield while I was driving down the freeway at midnight: Karma baby. Karma.

I feel a little better now.

Categories
Rants

new & unhappy comcast customer

My posts have slowed the last couple of weeks because I’ve gone through the worst hell a person can go through: moving. I was scheduled to have Comcast hook me up today with digital cable and high speed internet. As a subscriber to “other” services, I was looking forward to evaluating Comcast.

As promised, the install guy showed up at 9:30am (while I was hacking my way around a tournament) and installed the proper gear. When I got home at 2:30 my TV was hot but I couldn�t get the high speed internet working.

I could type for pages here. The last step of the Comcast install software crashed and told me to call their internet 800 number to finish setting up. So I called the 800 number and here�s the blow by blow:

I called 800 number for their internet division. It starts off by asking to press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish. I press 1. Then it asks me for the 10 digit phone number on the account. I punch it in. Then it asks me to press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish. I press 1. Then it asks me to punch in my 10 digit phone number on the account. Strange, it already asked me those two questions. I then get put on hold for 5 minutes. Suddenly, a recorded voice pops in and says “your call could not be completed, please redial the Comcast 800 number.”

I redial the 800 number. Press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish. I press 1. Then it asks me for the 10 digit phone number on the account. I punch it in. Then it asks me to press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish. I press 1. Then it asks me to punch in my 10 digit phone number on the account. THEN an operator comes on the line and says “please give me the 10 digit phone number on the account.” The first words out of my mouth are “don�t you have it in front of you? I�ve punched it in four times already.” I give the guy the number.

I then tell him how my internet doesn�t work. He informs me that the “work order” for the installation was still open and needed to be closed. He said I could wait a few hours, or call the Comcast CABLE 800 number and request that they close the work order.

So I call the Comcast Cable 800 number. Press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish. I press 1. Then it asks me for the 10 digit phone number on the account. I punch it in. Then it asks me to press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish. I press 1. Then it asks me to punch in my 10 digit phone number on the account. After doing that twice an operator comes on the phone. He asks me for my 10 digit phone number on the account. I ask him if he has that already in front of him, as I�ve now given it to them a total of 7 times. I then give him my 10 digit number. I inform him that my work order needs to be closed. He tells me he doesn�t know how to do that so he needs to talk to his supervisor. After being on hold a couple of minutes he tells me it is done and I�m good to go. Great! Or so I thought.

10 seconds after I hung up the phone, my cable TV went blank. My internet STILL wasn�t working either.

So (copy, paste) I call the Comcast Cable 800 number. �Press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish. I press 1. Then it asks me for the 10 digit phone number on the account. I punch it in. Then it asks me to press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish. I press 1. Then it asks me to punch in my 10 digit phone number on the account. After doing that twice a different operator comes on the phone. He asks me for my 10 digit phone number on the account. I ask him if he has that already in front of him, as I�ve now given it to them a total of 10 times. I then give him my 10 digit number. I inform him about the two previous calls, and the resulting total loss of my services. He informs me that I need to now call the LOCAL comcast number as they can�t fix it. Whatever it takes at this point.

So I call the LOCAL Comcast number. Press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish. I press 1. Then it asks me for the 10 digit phone number on the account. I punch it in. Then it asks me to press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish. I press 1. Then it asks me to punch in my 10 digit phone number on the account. After doing that twice an operator comes on the phone. She asks me for my 10 digit phone number on the account. In a most irritated fashion, I tell her I�m sick of punching in my 10 digit number and then having to tell the freaking operator my 10 digit number after I�ve already punched it in twice on that call and now a total of 13 times. I then give her my 10 digit number and inform her of the complete and utter dissatisfaction I have with Comcast, and the runaround and stupidity of my not being able to use my newly installed services. Guess what she tells me? She tells me I need to contact the LOCAL Comcast office. That is the damn number I frigging just called lady! She then tells me that when the local office is overloaded with calls, the national office gets the overflow. So I�m told to call the local office by the national office, but I�m transferred to the national office who tells me to call the local office who forwards me to the national office who-oh man.

I’ve now wasted close to 3 hours on this BS by this point. I ask her how could I possibly talk to the local office. She tells me to just keep calling their number and “hope” I get through to them???? Are you kidding me? She says “oh, but they do close in 20 minutes.” I told her NO WAY. I�m not going to call them and punch in 1 for English and then my 10 digit number two times and then get put on hold for 5 minutes only to find out that my “hope” was dashed by the fact that my call was forwarded to the national number.

She talked to her supervisor and informed me that the local office would be calling me “ASAP.” I asked her what “ASAP” meant. She said I�d receive a call within 1-1.5 hours and most likely they�d have to send the truck back to my place to redo the installation. Are you kidding me?

As of right now it has been 6 hours and 40 minutes since they told me they�d call back in 1-1.5 hours. The local office has been closed for at least 5 hours. I have no TV and no high speed internet connection.

How is this for a customer�s first experience with a company? Impressive. Oh, did I mention that since my phone line isn�t installed yet I�ve been going all this crap on my cell phone? Nice to get this kind of corporate runaround while paying out the rear end for cell phone minutes.