Category: Musicians

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Graphic EQ Catalog Setting

There’s a strip club in town that used to be one of the best spots for local music. When local music died, they turned to strippers. You have to pay the bills somehow.

One time my band was playing a gig with one other band at this club. We were having a terrible time with the sound man and the PA sounded awful. I finally decided to invade the soundman’s territory and see if I could make the PA sound any better.

The mains just sounded strange. I looked at the console and it looked OK. I found my way to the graphic EQ that controlled the mains and I found the problem. The EQ didn’t look anything like it should have. Many of the 31 frequencies were boosted that I’d never dream of boosting. Many were cut that obviously from the sound of it needed to be boosted. The EQ did look very “pretty” though. The knobs were neatly arranged in kind of an ocean wave line. When I went to set all the sliders to a better sounding setting, the soundman threw a fit and wouldn’t let me touch it.

It was at that point that I looked down at the magazine this bonehead sound man was reading. The mag was a typical audio or guitar player magazine type. It was opened to an advertisement for the exact EQ this sound man had installed! I then figured it all out. The advertisement had a really neat picture of this EQ and they had arranged all the 31 sliders in a very attractive line that looked like….an ocean wave.

So rather than knowing anything about sound and how to adjust it. This moron of a sound man put the sliders on his new EQ just like the ad in the magazine.

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Boneheads Musicians

Korn member finds God, leaves band

Now I’ve heard it all:

BAKERSFIELD, Calif. (AP) – A founding member of Korn is leaving the band to focus on his religious beliefs. “Korn has parted ways with guitarist Brian ‘Head’ Welch, who has chosen Jesus Christ as his savior, and will be dedicating his musical pursuits to that end,” said a statement posted Tuesday on Korn’s Web site.

Welch told The Bakersfield Californian that his decision might be surprising to some. “A lot of people think I’m crazy. I don’t care.”

Welch said he’d become increasingly disenchanted with producing heavy metal music that invokes dark and morbid images.

“Those guys in the band, they’re not bad guys. They’re just a bunch of kids getting marketed how these guys in the big corporate firms want to do,” Welch said. “It makes us look like bad people, but we’re really just a bunch of kids who never had a chance to grow up.”

Korn is working on its eighth album, set for release later this year. The band’s self-titled 1994 debut album sold more than 2 million copies.

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Pro Sound Blog Forums

Just an FYI for those of you who are new here. PSB has an entire FORUM section for you to use and enjoy! Please join up and join in!

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Boneheads Musicians

“Becoming A Rock Star for Dummies”

I get tons of idiotic morons calling me with dumb questions about the music business. This one is no different.

On the phone this time is a grandma. She loves her grandson who is a musician very much. She wants to help him. So she calls and asks me for advise on how her grandson can become a rock star. I just tell her to go down to the local bookstore and buy him the book “Becoming A Rock Star for Dummies.” She excitedly thanks me and hangs up the phone…

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Gigs Musicians

Field Sobriety Test

Many years ago my band played for an insane frat party. This was one of those all timers where everyone was absolutely plastered. There was a 1/4″ of beer on the floor as a result of their having “beer showers.” They would just dump a whole beer on peoples heads.

I was not immune to the beer showers as I played the drums. People would come up and just dump whole beers on my head and my drum kit. It was cool. I didn’t mind at all. I didn’t drink at the time so I had no beers or booze.

After this crazy gig I packed up my stuff and headed for home. About 200 yards away from the frat house I got pulled over by the cops. Apparently the cops were hiding and pulling over drunk drivers as they left the party.

The cop comes up to my window and asks “how many beers have you had tonight?” I naturally say “none.” At this point he thinks I’m full of shit because I just left an insane frat party and I smell like I’ve bathed in beer.

He asks me to get out of the vehicle and informs me that he is going to give me a field sobriety test. The first test is one where you clap your hands, then flip one hand over and clap with the top of your one hand. He shows me and explains very clearly what to do. He says “clap like this, and you don’t have to clap as fast as I do.” I clarify “I don’t have to clap as fast as you?” He confirms yes. He doesn’t know he has just pulled over a sober DRUMMER. I proceed to do his stupid little clap about 1000x as fast as he did, and more accurately I might add.

After watching me do his clap faster than a machine gun he says “have a nice night.”