Categories
Gigs Musicians

Bagged the female singer

The rock & roll band I’ve been in for about 20 years was originally a 4 piece band. We had the guitar player/singer, bass player, me on drums and a female vocalist/keyboard player. We had this configuration for a few years, until one day.

We had a gig in Sun Valley. We met at the singer’s house to pack the gear and car pool to the gig. One problem: The female singer was nowhere to be found. We tried to contact her and waited as long as we could. But eventually we just took off for the gig without her.

The gig in Sun Valley was one of the most kick ass gigs we’d had to that point. We found that we weren’t dependent on this chick whatsoever. We were tighter too. And the last great positive of doing the gig without her…we split her share of the dough up.

Let’s see here… Tighter band, less headaches, more dough. No brainer.

We came back into town from Sun Valley and played at one of our regular spots in town which was the premier live music venue. That night we kicked ass and clicked better than any gig we’d done to that point. That show confirmed what we’d expected would be the case: She was out of the band.

For about the next 10 years or so, my band would be the hottest band in the state. Playing as many as 30 gigs per month and sometimes playing two gigs in one day. We performed for hundreds of thousands of people and made tons of dough. All of this without the female singer.

The lesson here? Don’t bail on your band mates or it may end up being your last gig.

Categories
Boneheads Musicians

Lyrical genius

I’ve heard thousands of original lyrics from musicians you’ve never heard of and never will. There are tons of terrible lyric writers out there let me tell you. But sometimes the material some clients create is absolute magic.

Here’s the chorus from song one of my genius client’s album:

“People suck
They suck poo poo
People suck
They suck doggy doo doo”

Absolutely amazing.

Now here’s the chorus from song two of my genius client’s album:

“I wish I was dumb
I wish my brain was numb
Then I’d be happy
Then I’d be havin’ fun”

I’m in complete awe of the incredible literary and lyrical genius I’ve witnessed.

How about this stellar verse from a group of Italian rappers. Yes, Italian rappers.

“Oh mamma mia
My mouth’s got diarrhea
Gonna burn baby burn
Like a dick with gonorrea”

Wow. Amazing.

Categories
Musicians

Movin’ to LA

I have a client that comes to me exactly two times per year with some duplication work. He’s like clockwork and always prepays in cash. Just the kind of client I need.

He came in last week and I got him taken care of. But when he came in to pick his stuff up he informed me that he was moving to LA in 3 days. The short story is that he broke up with his girlfriend of several years earlier that morning, and therefore was moving to LA. Seems strange. This poor guy has wanted to move there forever but his girlfriend had other plans I guess.

The more I learn about musicians, the less I understand about the human race.

Categories
Boneheads Musicians

Crappy band stuffs ballot box

You know those local entertainment newspapers where each year they have a vote for the best local band, best female singer, best drummer etc? One year there was this shitty local band called Stone Pony (dumb name too). They stuffed the ballot box and had all their friends vote. So the awards ceremony went something like this:

“And the award for best band is…..Stone Pony”
“The award for best new band of the year is….Stone Pony”
“The award for best male vocalist is…..John from Stone Pony”
“The award for best bass player is…. Fred from Stone Pony”
“The award for best drummer is….Mike from Stone Pony”
“The best guitar player of the year is….Frank from Stone Pony”
“The best keyboard player of the year is…Chris from Stone Pony”
“The year’s best sound man is….Jason, the sound man for Stone Pony”
“The album of the year is…..Stone Pony”
“Best band to see live this year…Stone Pony”
“Best female vocalist of the year is….Sheila (girlfriend of someone in Stone Pony)”
“Best graphic design on an album cover is….Stone Pony”

Categories
Gigs Musicians Random

A day in the life of a golf addict and drummer…

A day in the life of a golf addict and rock & roll drummer (today):

7:30am: alarm goes off, hit snooze button a few times
8:00am: fix some home brewed Starbucks coffee
8:20am: drop by golf course 1 to pick up new driver, paid for with tourney winnings
8:39am: somehow accidentally drop golf socks in coffee
8:40am: hanging golf socks over AC vent in car to dry out while driving to course 2
8:42am: after some pondering, I drink the coffee
9:05am: arrive at golf course 2
9:12am: buy new socks
9:16am: tee off
9:25am: birdie first hole
1:55pm: finish round with a 72 (even par)
2:15pm: collect winnings from opponents
3:04pm: meet client 1 downtown
4:17pm: meet client 2 downtown
5:02pm: arrive at storage unit to pick up drum kit for gig tonight
5:03pm: call in local radio station and win tickets to a golf event next week (Jack Nicklaus, Mike Weir, David Duval, Fuzzy, Johnny Miller, The Walrus, Dave Stockton, Gary McCord all will be there)
5:20pm: check mail at PO box
5:55pm: drop by radio station to pick up tickets to golf event
6:22pm: arrive at home, eat a snack
6:40pm: leave for new house
7:01pm: check out my new house under construction, inside doors are now installed!
8:45pm: back at home, cook a frozen pizza for dinner
9:16pm: leave for gig
9:46pm: arrive at gig, setup drum kit
10:13pm: commense drum bashing
12:08am: two chicks flash their boobs at me
1:15am: first encore
1:35am: pack drum kit and take off
1:50am: pick up 3 krispy kreme donuts on the way home
2:00am: arrive home
2:05am: eat donuts, write this dumb thing
2:10am: publish this dumb thing
2:15am: go to bed

Tomorrow, I do it all again. Fortunately I don’t tee of until 1:30pm.