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Gigs

Shocking Bathroom Incident

Our singer/guitar player is quite entertaining. From his brash comments to boneheads in the crowd that almost get him beat up, to cracking Yoko Ono jokes, you never know what to expect. That’s why I like playing gigs with this band.

One night we’re in a very crowded club. The guitar player has his new wireless transmitter so he doesn’t get tangled up in his cables on stage. We’re in the middle of some song when he announces that he’s going to go to the bathroom while playing his guitar solo.

So he jumps off the stage and walks right out of the room while soloing. You can still hear him but now you can’t see him as he’s presumably at the urinal. Then there’s a terrible static electricity noise and his guitar stops playing. Seconds later he comes back in the room with his hair sticking straight up (what’s left of it).

Turns out that his guitar strings were not clipped off and he accidentally somehow stuck his strings in the wall socket in the bathroom. The end of his guitar was all blackened and the dude nearly electrocuted himself and his peepee.

Categories
Gigs Rants

Some memos

  • Memo to women: Do NOT wear tight belly shirts if you have a beer belly and love handles (see picture). Do not wear men’s Levis which are about 8 inches too small to fit around your fat waist so you have to wear them as low riders. This look is not attractive and us men are repulsed by it. Please, if you are a woman and you want to wear a belly shirt ask yourself one question: “Do I have 6 pack abs?”
  • Memo to my band leader: 3 tunes into the show, do not call a surf medley with an extended drum solo when I haven’t played a gig for 6 weeks.
  • Memo to the two women who flashed their breasts at me during the last gig: Thank you.
  • Memo to the drunk idiot standing in front of stage left: Stop looking at me and doing that Hawaii hang loose thing with your hand. I’m not gay, stop looking at me like that.
  • Memo to Allie (my fantasy mistress and professional boxer): Congratulations on knocking out your opponent in the 4th round last week.
  • Memo to drunk assholes in bars: Thanks for the compliments but please get out of my face. Stop spilling your pisswater beer in my shoe. Stop burning me with your stinky cigarette. Stop slobbering on me. Stop saying “you guys rock.”
  • Memo to Andrew: You kick ass. You know why.
  • Memo to that chick in front of the stage who puts her fingers on the sides of her mouth and pushes her lips into a smiling position to signal me to “smile”. (seems like there’s one at every gig): I can’t bash the hell out of the drums and have a shit eating grin on my face at the same time. Sorry.
  • Memo to the band leader #2: Give me more than 2 hours notice that we have a gig.
  • Memo to anyone: Don’t invite me to your wedding. I hate weddings.
  • Memo to anyone who wants to hire my band for your wedding: We play rock & roll. We don’t do Kenny G. or dinner music. If you wanted that shit why did you hire an obnoxious rock & roll band?
  • Memo to whoever stole my 1962 brass Ludwig snare: You’d better hope I never find you.
  • Memo to pussy audience members: If it is too loud don’t come up and whine about it. Just leave.
  • Memo to dudes with barbed wire tattoos around their biceps: Do you think this makes you cool or tough? If you were real macho, you’d use real barbed wire (thanks George).
  • Memo to David Gilmour and Roger Waters: Can’t we all just get along?
  • Memo to Phil Collins: Stop. Please stop. Please stop now. I’m begging you…stop.
  • Memo the guy who always requests Free Bird (there’s one at every gig): I’d rather lose a limb than play that shitty song.
  • Memo to the band leader #3: Why do you do encores when there are 3 drunk assholes left in the audience yelling “encore, encore.” But when we have a huge crowd, we don’t do one?
  • Memo to the band I’m recording who asks “So what do you think of our band?”: Which answer do you want? The truth, or the one you want to hear?
  • Memo to clients who bounce checks on me: Karma baby. Karma.
  • Memo to whoever dropped a rock in my windshield while I was driving down the freeway at midnight: Karma baby. Karma.

I feel a little better now.

Categories
Gigs Musicians Random

A day in the life of a golf addict and drummer…

A day in the life of a golf addict and rock & roll drummer (today):

7:30am: alarm goes off, hit snooze button a few times
8:00am: fix some home brewed Starbucks coffee
8:20am: drop by golf course 1 to pick up new driver, paid for with tourney winnings
8:39am: somehow accidentally drop golf socks in coffee
8:40am: hanging golf socks over AC vent in car to dry out while driving to course 2
8:42am: after some pondering, I drink the coffee
9:05am: arrive at golf course 2
9:12am: buy new socks
9:16am: tee off
9:25am: birdie first hole
1:55pm: finish round with a 72 (even par)
2:15pm: collect winnings from opponents
3:04pm: meet client 1 downtown
4:17pm: meet client 2 downtown
5:02pm: arrive at storage unit to pick up drum kit for gig tonight
5:03pm: call in local radio station and win tickets to a golf event next week (Jack Nicklaus, Mike Weir, David Duval, Fuzzy, Johnny Miller, The Walrus, Dave Stockton, Gary McCord all will be there)
5:20pm: check mail at PO box
5:55pm: drop by radio station to pick up tickets to golf event
6:22pm: arrive at home, eat a snack
6:40pm: leave for new house
7:01pm: check out my new house under construction, inside doors are now installed!
8:45pm: back at home, cook a frozen pizza for dinner
9:16pm: leave for gig
9:46pm: arrive at gig, setup drum kit
10:13pm: commense drum bashing
12:08am: two chicks flash their boobs at me
1:15am: first encore
1:35am: pack drum kit and take off
1:50am: pick up 3 krispy kreme donuts on the way home
2:00am: arrive home
2:05am: eat donuts, write this dumb thing
2:10am: publish this dumb thing
2:15am: go to bed

Tomorrow, I do it all again. Fortunately I don’t tee of until 1:30pm.

Categories
Gigs Musicians

I met John Doe last night!

Last night my pal Matt and I checked out the John Doe show. If you don’t know who John Doe is, then shame on you. He’s the bass player & male singer for one of the greatest bands in history: X

X was the original punk band. With killer tunes like “Los Angeles” and “Johnny Hit and Run Pauline” X was the anti disco, anti 80’s band.

I could go on about X forever.

So John Doe’s solo act was in town last night. We sat down at the table in the club and I saw a friend of mine named John (of course). I shook John’s hand and said hi to him and his wife. Then my pal Matt nudges me and looks over saying “dude, there’s John.” I say yeah, so what? “Dude, there’s John.” Yes man, I just shook his hand and said hello, what’s your problem? “Dude, there’s John” and he points and another guy sitting WITH my friend John…. It’s John Doe himself! I was sitting next to him and didn’t even know it!

So we shot the shit with JD for about an hour while his opening band played. The opening band was just his band, without him… Cool.

John’s show was stellar. He is SUCH a good song writer. His melodies and chord progressions are so amazing and original, just like they were in X. His voice is perfect….

Whatever “it” is, JD has it. Most good bands have a member in the band that has “it.” In X, JD was just one of four people who had “it.” I can only hope that a little tiny bit of “it” was transferred from John to me when I shook his hand…

Categories
Gigs Musicians

OTEP, Gizmachi review

My pals Matt, Mike and I went to a great metal show a couple of weekends ago. The main bill was one of my all time favorite bands: OTEP

I did a review of Otep before
and this show was equally as great. But first let me cover the opening bands.

The first band was a metal band and I can’t remember their name (Matt, help me out on this one). They were pretty damn good and had a very attractive blonde female bass player. She was quite athletic looking and very thin. No body fat at all. She had long blonde hair. They did a great show and loaded their gear off the stage.

My buddies and I about died when we saw the blonde bass player loading not only her bands gear off the stage, but helping the next bands load their gear on and off the stage! All the bands we’ve been in the “female” in the band never loads anything. It’s quite a thing to see all these bands helping each other out. They’re on a very small tour and they’re surely not making much dough. It’s all about rock and roll and they’re all contributing to the effort.

When the first band was off stage they mingled into the audience and ended up at the t-shirt booth. My buddy and I both went and talked to the blonde bass player. We were both enthralled by not only her great smelling perfume, but her Australian accent…. ohhhhhh.

During the first band and the first break there was a big guy at the t-shirt booth selling shirts. He had ratty sandy colored hair which was all in dreadlocks. We were laughing and wanted to get a pic of this dude because he actually fell asleep behind the counter. Quite entertaining. My pals woke him up and bought some shirts and CDs from him for one of the other bands there called “Gizmachi.” I love the Gizmachi CD. It is very unique and cool.

Gizmachi was a VERY cool band. They were kind of a cross between Candiria and Incubus. If you don’t know those bands are then cross very heavy technical metal with some occasional melodic vocals and clean guitar.

The interesting thing here was that the dude that was falling asleep at the t-shirt stand was the singer for Gizmachi! He was catching a catnap and building up his energy reserves for the show.

Now on to the meat of the show: OTEP!

When the lights went off the audience went crazy. The band took the stage minus Otep herself. They started making noise and getting the energy level cranked up. We could see backstage and out a door to the outside. Bouncing around in the back parking lot like Mohammed Ali was Otep. She was back there getting her cardiovascular system revved up to the level she’d need it for the show. And what a show it was…

The first thing that happened was a large mosh pit formed when Otep finally started playing. I immediately got sucked into the pit. Note to self: Don’t wear flip flops to an Otep show again. My feet took a beating. There were a couple of very hot females who just happened to bump right into me. Of course I had to play a little grab ass just to keep them from hitting the floor and getting trounced to death in the mosh pit. I try to do my part to help society.

Evil J (the bass player) was on a freaking roll the whole night. His tone was stellar (as always) and he was bouncing around and up and down like a pogo stick on speed. Evil J is a “player.” He’s not just some shitass metal bass player. He could play with anyone, any style. During one song he put on a very cool gas mask (see pic).

They cranked through tons of their killer songs and Otep captivated the audience like always. I can’t keep my eyes off her when she is performing, not really in a sexual way (though there is some of that) she just commands the attention of the audience. She oozes cool. She sweats cool. She spits cool. She is cool.

She had a different look at this show. She had a little more eye makeup and her hair was a little straighter. She looked stunning and her voice was perfect.

The drummer Doug Pellerin is unbelievable. He is a spot on metal technician with feet faster than most drummer’s hands. He keeps a plain expression on his face and appears to expend little energy. But the parts he plays shred with incredible speed, precision and originality.

speaking of the drummer, I couldn’t believe how fast they were doing some of the songs. There are drum parts in there with extremely fast double bass and I couldn’t believe he could pull them off at such an increased speed. No problem for Doug.

I’m kind of all over the map as far as what I’m writing but the whole show was a blur. Otep didn’t take the stage til close to 1:00am.

One interesting thing was the moment of silence Otep did for the former guitar player for American Head Charge. He passed away on the tour bus a couple of weeks after their last show here in town. Oh, speaking of American Head Charge…I’ll be seeing them, along with Static X tomorrow night. Their site appears to be down so the link is to a stupid MTV page, sorry.

Ok then. So back to the Otep show. When the show ended I was completely spent. My buddy Matt and I left the building and walked to our car. We walked right by Otep’s tour bus. It is a hell of a rig. All custom. It’s a retired man’s dream for going to all those campgrounds…

Matt had been taking pics of the show (which you’ve seen) so he decided to take a pic of their bus. Right at that point, the Otep musicians came out for a breath of air. I immediately headed right to them to say hello. What do you say to sweaty metal musicians anyway, especially when they’re busy working the groupies and I’m trying to break into the conversation?

I told Evil J he put on a hell of a show and he was very cool and thankful. Not a cocky attitude at all. I talked to the drummer and told him how much he kicked ass and that I should know, because I’m a drummer too. He was genuinely thankful as well. I told him I couldn’t believe he could pull off some of those badass double bass fills at the speed they did the songs. His reply: “I could do them a hell of a lot faster.” No shit? Damn I’d pay to see that. Then he told me that the reason he can play some of the double bass and hand riffs so fast is that he was doing double stroke rolls with his kick drums. Unbelievable…

Ok, I’ve rambled enough. I wish I could think of more nuggets of the show but it was one of those deals where it was so awesome, you can’t put it into words.

Photo credits go to my friend Matt who is a kick ass photographer.

As I said, Matt and I will be at another metal-fest tomorrow night so a report will follow.

Adios.