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Boneheads Gigs Musicians

And they say drugs don’t cause memory loss…

I’m gearing up for my 2nd Otep review but it is too late tonight to start it. If I start it now, I’ll be up til 2am and I have a tee time tomorrow…

One nugget from the last Otep show. There were 4 bands. Between a couple of the bands I talked with the guy selling cokes at the “bar.” This was an all ages show, so no beer or booze.

They had the cokes in a fridge. Inside the fridge they had condiments like mayo, mustard etc. I told the freaky bartender dude I wanted the ketchup. He grabbed it and was going to start figuring out what to charge me until I told him I was kidding.

I realized at that point I recognized him from somewhere. You tend to remember freak dudes who have holes in their ear lobes the size of golf balls. I asked him where I knew him from. He told me his band recorded in my studio a few years earlier. I asked him what the name of his band was. He gazed at me in a bewildered state and then replied “I don’t remember.” This dude recognized me from a 1 night recording project 8 years earlier and he couldn’t even remember the name of his own band. And they say drugs don’t cause memory loss…

Categories
Rants

new & unhappy comcast customer

My posts have slowed the last couple of weeks because I’ve gone through the worst hell a person can go through: moving. I was scheduled to have Comcast hook me up today with digital cable and high speed internet. As a subscriber to “other” services, I was looking forward to evaluating Comcast.

As promised, the install guy showed up at 9:30am (while I was hacking my way around a tournament) and installed the proper gear. When I got home at 2:30 my TV was hot but I couldn�t get the high speed internet working.

I could type for pages here. The last step of the Comcast install software crashed and told me to call their internet 800 number to finish setting up. So I called the 800 number and here�s the blow by blow:

I called 800 number for their internet division. It starts off by asking to press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish. I press 1. Then it asks me for the 10 digit phone number on the account. I punch it in. Then it asks me to press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish. I press 1. Then it asks me to punch in my 10 digit phone number on the account. Strange, it already asked me those two questions. I then get put on hold for 5 minutes. Suddenly, a recorded voice pops in and says “your call could not be completed, please redial the Comcast 800 number.”

I redial the 800 number. Press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish. I press 1. Then it asks me for the 10 digit phone number on the account. I punch it in. Then it asks me to press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish. I press 1. Then it asks me to punch in my 10 digit phone number on the account. THEN an operator comes on the line and says “please give me the 10 digit phone number on the account.” The first words out of my mouth are “don�t you have it in front of you? I�ve punched it in four times already.” I give the guy the number.

I then tell him how my internet doesn�t work. He informs me that the “work order” for the installation was still open and needed to be closed. He said I could wait a few hours, or call the Comcast CABLE 800 number and request that they close the work order.

So I call the Comcast Cable 800 number. Press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish. I press 1. Then it asks me for the 10 digit phone number on the account. I punch it in. Then it asks me to press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish. I press 1. Then it asks me to punch in my 10 digit phone number on the account. After doing that twice an operator comes on the phone. He asks me for my 10 digit phone number on the account. I ask him if he has that already in front of him, as I�ve now given it to them a total of 7 times. I then give him my 10 digit number. I inform him that my work order needs to be closed. He tells me he doesn�t know how to do that so he needs to talk to his supervisor. After being on hold a couple of minutes he tells me it is done and I�m good to go. Great! Or so I thought.

10 seconds after I hung up the phone, my cable TV went blank. My internet STILL wasn�t working either.

So (copy, paste) I call the Comcast Cable 800 number. �Press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish. I press 1. Then it asks me for the 10 digit phone number on the account. I punch it in. Then it asks me to press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish. I press 1. Then it asks me to punch in my 10 digit phone number on the account. After doing that twice a different operator comes on the phone. He asks me for my 10 digit phone number on the account. I ask him if he has that already in front of him, as I�ve now given it to them a total of 10 times. I then give him my 10 digit number. I inform him about the two previous calls, and the resulting total loss of my services. He informs me that I need to now call the LOCAL comcast number as they can�t fix it. Whatever it takes at this point.

So I call the LOCAL Comcast number. Press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish. I press 1. Then it asks me for the 10 digit phone number on the account. I punch it in. Then it asks me to press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish. I press 1. Then it asks me to punch in my 10 digit phone number on the account. After doing that twice an operator comes on the phone. She asks me for my 10 digit phone number on the account. In a most irritated fashion, I tell her I�m sick of punching in my 10 digit number and then having to tell the freaking operator my 10 digit number after I�ve already punched it in twice on that call and now a total of 13 times. I then give her my 10 digit number and inform her of the complete and utter dissatisfaction I have with Comcast, and the runaround and stupidity of my not being able to use my newly installed services. Guess what she tells me? She tells me I need to contact the LOCAL Comcast office. That is the damn number I frigging just called lady! She then tells me that when the local office is overloaded with calls, the national office gets the overflow. So I�m told to call the local office by the national office, but I�m transferred to the national office who tells me to call the local office who forwards me to the national office who-oh man.

I’ve now wasted close to 3 hours on this BS by this point. I ask her how could I possibly talk to the local office. She tells me to just keep calling their number and “hope” I get through to them???? Are you kidding me? She says “oh, but they do close in 20 minutes.” I told her NO WAY. I�m not going to call them and punch in 1 for English and then my 10 digit number two times and then get put on hold for 5 minutes only to find out that my “hope” was dashed by the fact that my call was forwarded to the national number.

She talked to her supervisor and informed me that the local office would be calling me “ASAP.” I asked her what “ASAP” meant. She said I�d receive a call within 1-1.5 hours and most likely they�d have to send the truck back to my place to redo the installation. Are you kidding me?

As of right now it has been 6 hours and 40 minutes since they told me they�d call back in 1-1.5 hours. The local office has been closed for at least 5 hours. I have no TV and no high speed internet connection.

How is this for a customer�s first experience with a company? Impressive. Oh, did I mention that since my phone line isn�t installed yet I�ve been going all this crap on my cell phone? Nice to get this kind of corporate runaround while paying out the rear end for cell phone minutes.

Categories
Rants Recording

4 reasons to stay out of the recording business

Here are four reasons to stay out of the recording business.


Yes they are all bounced checks. One is for 18 bucks and one is for 5 freaking bucks. My bank charges me $30 for each bounced check I deposit. So that $5 check cost me $30.

Frigging musicians….

Categories
Gigs Rants

Wedding gigs suck

The two things I hate the most are weddings and funerals. The only thing worse than going to a wedding is gigging at a wedding.

I really can’t understand why someone would hire my band for a wedding. We’re a loud, fast, obnoxious rock & roll/punk band. We don’t do sappy slow tunes. Your wedding isn’t going to be like the gig we played for you at your frat house.

The first problem with weddings is the dress code. When I play drums I wear shorts, tshirt and usually no shoes or sandals. I HATE long sleeves and I get really freaking hot playing the drums so I just won’t wear them. No disrespect to the bride & groom, but this is rock & roll. I’m up there bashing the skins and working up a sweat and I need to be as cool and comfortable as possible.

The 2nd and terribly corny thing I hate about wedding gigs is the “theme song.” The bride & groom always want to you play some stupid ass, gay, sappy, dreary love song. My band hasn’t rehearsed since the 80’s and you think we’re going to learn some stupid Huey Lewis song for your wedding? Think again. So we bring a CD and let them play their stupid theme over the PA.

The 3rd problem with wedding gigs is the fact that you are going to please just about no one. You have grandma coming up to the band asking for Frank Sinatra, the kiddies are asking for the Hokey Pokey and the pot smoking teens asking for Metallica. Ok folks, we’re going to do a combination of Metallica’s Master Of Puppets and the Hokey Pokey, sung in the style of Frank Sinatra. Perfect.

4th issue is the “schedule”: They always want you to setup at freaking 10:00am so they can do their full day of wedding celebration. Memo to you folks out there. Don’t ask a rock & roll musician to set up at 10:00am. Hell, by 10:00am I’ve been asleep for about 20 minutes.

Rolling in at number 5 of the most irritating things about a wedding gig is that they want you to play “dinner music.” My band is a punk/surf/modern rock band. If we played dinner music for you, you’d probably choke on your terrible hotel food.

I love it when they have an open bar at the wedding gigs. I hit the wine pretty hard and it makes the gig much more entertaining. Our guitar player makes things very entertaining during wedding gigs. We’ll be playing and looking out at the audience. Just about nobody is paying attention to anything we’re doing on the stage. We could be blowing fire out our asses and no one would notice. So that being the case, our guitar player will intentionally hit terribly sour notes. First he’ll hit one and then look at me for my watery-eyed reaction. Then he’ll hit a couple of sour notes. By the end of the tune, I’m about ready to die from laughter because the guitar player is now playing every chord and note 1/2 a step off. So every note he plays is about as bad sounding as it can get. No one notices. Then I look out in the audience and see that happy guy video taping this beautiful event. I start to think about 10 years from now when the bride and groom decide to get that old wedding video out and watch it. They’ll then realize that my band has absolutely butchered the show.

We tend to weed out the old people at wedding gigs pretty fast. We’ll play some pretty “loud” music and I’ll bash the shit out of my drums. If they have real balls they’ll ask us to turn down (which we won’t). The old folks take off early which leaves the drunk younger people who for some strange reason think we’re better than the Beatles. “Dude, you rock.” Yeah pal, right. We’re frigging rocking out at a wedding…right.

By the last tune, I’m so ready to go home I’m about to throw up all over myself. We finish the last tune, then the 3 boneheads that are still there start yelling “encore, encore.” Holy shit are you kidding me? Encore for 3 drunk boneheads at a wedding? Yes, sure. Unbelievably our guitar player/singer obliges them and starts up an encore tune. I could just about kill him for making me stay another 3 minutes in this hell.

Categories
Gear

Analog synth comeback part 2

In this post I showed some very cool analog synths. Some of you got excited about them. I had hoped for more comments on that post but I’m going to break the news to you anyway.

Those pics of the analog synths are not real. They’re 3D modeling.

Gotcha.