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Gigs Rants

Singer casually blows off highest paying gig of the year

I had a gig scheduled for tonight. It was to be the biggest paying gig of the year and perhaps even the biggest paying gig I’ve ever had. I got a phone call from some lady I don’t know who said she’d been “calling the band leader for a month straight” trying to confirm the gig. She said she was getting someone else if I didn’t call the band leader and get back to her in 1/2 an hour.

I didn’t hear back from the band leader in time and she booked someone else. When the band leader did call me back, he said “fuck ’em. I don’t feel like playing for them anyway.” Hmmm… Fuck them? Fuck me too. How about considering that this gig was going to pay a shit load of my bills?

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Random

Sex position of the week

Sex position of the weekWhile writing a blog post for one of my new blogs at The Mac Space, I stumbled across the sex position of the week article in Cosmopolitan. It was an interesting read, almost as educational as renting a porno.

According to Cosmo, the best place to meet a man is at the Apple Store. I shop at the Apple Store. Been there dozens of times. Never once have I been picked up by a woman there, though that sounds nice. I guess I’ll keep shopping at the Apple store in hopes that I can find a woman to whom I can “straddle her grounded leg and enter her while she holds her other leg up or letting it rest against my shoulder for leverage.” Then with her free hand she can “reach up and run her fingers across my chest as she gazes longingly into my eyes. Then, slowly, carefully she can stroke my nipples which is a major turn-on for lots of guys.”

Damn, all I wanted to pick up at the Apple Store was the Adobe CS3 upgrade from Macromedia Studio MX…

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Gigs Random

Played for the largest crowd I’ve ever played for today

I played drums for the largest crowd ever for me, about 16,000. No it wasn’t a rock & roll gig. I played drums in the pep band at my university’s big basketball game today…

But hey, if someone asks what the largest crowd I’ve played for I can now say 16K.

Note: I wasn’t nervous either..

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Gigs Rants

Drove 189 blocks for a glass of cranberry juice

My 2nd gig last weekend was at “Tattoos-R-Us” club. We had an opening band so I didn’t have to show up until about 10:45. When I got there I noticed that they screwed up again and didn’t have our band name on the marquee.

I got in the club and grabbed my usual cranberry juice. I checked out the opening band and they were pretty good. They were a surf band and the guitar player had a Theremin.

When I walked back stage to open the back door and load my gear, I noticed another drum kit. I started adding up things in my head and went to talk to the sound guy. I asked him how many bands were playing and he said two. I asked who the 2nd band was and he pointed at a table in the audience and said “them.”

My band wasn’t playing.

I called my singer outside and he confirmed that we were not playing and apologized for forgetting to call me. It appears our bass player’s father had a heart attack and she canceled. It’s nice to drive 189 city blocks just to go drink a f’n cranberry juice and breathe a bunch of 2nd hand smoke. How considerate.

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Gigs Random

My compliments to your plastic surgeon

The 2nd gig last week was canceled. I had enough fun on the first one though. The gig was a sub gig in Park City. It was the first time I worked with “the lesbian singer.” As it turned out, the singer was pretty amazing. She did a hell of a Janis Joplin. Her girlfriend was quite stunning and it was strange to see them both hanging all over each other. But on stage was great.

Later in the gig a drunk female tourist from Lake Tahoe got in an argument with the band leader about who has better snow, Park City or Tahoe. Then she proceeded to get on the microphone and tell the audience that her husband was better looking than Robert Redford.

abmaster5000.jpg

A few minutes later a hard bodied chick appeared on the dance floor (see pic). She was strutting her stuff and flashing her abs. I called her “abmaster 5000.”… Then she flashed her twin DD’s to the band. They were disproportionately large compared to her body, just like her collagen lips. I was trying to play the drums and get my camera out of my pocket at the same time. I managed to snap the picture here, but missed the complete exposure of her implants… Honestly, they weren’t the best I’ve seen, not too natural looking. Regardless of the plastic surgeon’s lack of aesthetic skill, it was still entertaining and yet another “rock & roll moment” in my lengthy drumming career…